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I’m going to use “him” to refer to the generic ex to avoid awkward pronoun switches, but of course this concept applies to women and men alike. No matter the person’s flaws or what he or she did to you, your ex is not all bad, and it’s not all their fault- in the same way it’s not all your fault. You’ll tell yourself: “This breakup is horrible, but it’s not the last time I’ll be in love” “Maybe I’ll be alright after all” This is probably the first time you’ll emerge from the pain and imagine a future that looks, if not bright, at least tolerable. Unfortunately and ironically- once you start feeling better, and once you have enough energy and emotional reserves to start feeling hopeful about the future- you’ll also have enough energy to regress into the seductive thought of getting back together with your ex.